After we took Rylee to her first puppy class, I wondered, what is it about the instructor that compelled her to be so focused and follow her every move. When Rylee was used for demonstration, she was focused and attentive as if she had done this many times before. So I thought what is it besides really good treats that Rylee was sooooo drawn to. I am guessing it was confidence. The very experienced instructor was confident and knew exactly how to work with Rylee to ensure success, and Rylee trusted her 100%.
Confidence In Our Home
With that observation, I reflected on my work with Rylee. How does she read me when I am working with her or just being in her presence. Don’t get me wrong, I do not see myself as a “Pack Leader”. I try to see myself as someone that she can trust and feels safe with. I see her as a part of the family and I am one of the people along with the people she meets, who is going to help her to navigate this world with all of its expectations and surprises.
When we are working on a skill, I try to be optimistic in her ability to learn it. This helps me to be calm and to give her the opportunity to execute the skill without fear. If what we are doing is not effective for her getting the skill, we will try something else. I don’t need to be reinforced for my coaching ability with her by having her get it the way that I think she should. Part of my canine centered coaching is that I allow her to be an individual and let us know what the best pathway is. Then we need to read that, and help her to get there.
Fake it till we make it
Confidence is not something that comes easy for many. Rylee though needs to know that I trust the process and that I am going to guide her in way that works to minimize stress and anxiety. So even if I was not confident in teaching a complex skill for example, I need to feel calm and confident when I am coaching her. I use the instructor who is now someone we call in for training as an example. I want to emulate her apparent cool confidence which will help me to stay optimistic and stick to the game plan.
As a coach for over 20 years, my confidence is generally much higher than my partner who has often had some difficulty with it. With my experience, I can set goals with Rylee and then a plan to reach those goals. Some will find this difficult which is why a local qualified dog trainer can be useful. If I am not feeling confident, I can use relaxation to prevent anxiety from showing in my actions.
Rylee’s Confidence
By starting with small skills that are easy for her to have success, I can help to build her confidence. Throwing her into something she is not ready for such as leaving her for 4 hours on the first day we got her would only cause stress and anxiety. We have also learned about generalization in our training which allows her to be successful with her skills in different environments and locations. It helps to build confidence in the skill, and to know what to do and when to do it.
Generalization from what I understand is her ability to complete tasks in different situations. Sitting is an easy one. She can sit any time we ask her to regardless of where we are. If we only had her sit in the kitchen when she gets fed, she might not be as quick to do it somewhere else. We naturally do it in different locations so we are actually unintentionally generalizing it.
Confidence vs Ego
During my coaching years, it was very important to me to keep my ego in check. I always reminded myself that number one, everyone does not need to know what I know, and number two I don’t know everything. I don’t always have the answer and I need to be kind to myself as I am to Rylee in our coaching journey. And when I don’t know the answers, I need to research it or ask someone who does.